At night in my dreams, in my soul … you are there.
Last night, while trying to distract my thoughts with a movie, I suddenly exclaimed “where’s my little Frifol?”… I forgot the day I gave you that nickname: “Frifolito”, I think one day I thought your face smelled like beans as you puffed out your cheeks to sigh while “you melted with love”, so I dubbed you “Frifolito”… and out of nowhere, there was a knot in my throat. At least my crying was less dramatic today, more calm. However, that feeling of emptiness still remains. Before going to sleep, I spoke with you and I asked you to please come to me in my dreams. I told you how much I wanted to hug you… and that’s how my dream life began.
Just as I’d requested, you were there in my dream. We were in a house that was supposedly ours but not the same one where we live now, this house was different. There were invited guests that I didn’t know and they had brought ferrets. Two really big ferrets (much more robust than in waking life) and I was upset by them being there. I turned to look at you and saw you try to run after one of the ferrets. Your legs wobbled weakly and you fell. I got so angry with the owners and asked them to please take their ferrets and leave. ‘Couldn’t they see that you were agitated because you couldn’t run after them? Besides, it was also dangerous for them too! What were they thinking? Get them out of here!’, I thought.
As the giant ferrets scampered all over the yard, you became very frustrated, lying on the ground and growling quietly. All of a sudden, you‘re expression changed to sadness. Our eyes met for a breif moment and you whispered in my mind “please, get me out of here, my body hurts a lot”. While you looked at me I noticed that one of your eyes wasn’t moving, it didn’t respond to stimulus, and I realized that you could no longer see either.
At that moment, the scene changed abrubtly, as they tend to do in dreams, and I was now with you in a swimming pool. I was holding you up at the surface of the water. I stood up while holding your head and your body slightly submerged, your feet in the air, and you leaned back into my arms. I felt your body relax completely and I clearly felt that unique feeling I get when I hold you, the one where the world vanishes into the background. I walked slowly across the pool, while you “floated” in my arms. I was instilled with a deep peace and the beautiful experience of feeling you close to me. I felt that you were really with me and I cherished the sensation. Upon waking, a hidden message emerged from my dream, as they often do, and I understood deeply why you did not stay.
I wanted to thank you, Lua. Somewhere between the confusion I feel in my body and the sensation left from last night’s dream, a kind of memory was created. Today I feel that we were actually together physically and that my heart could feel your heart beat. I woke up with a new brightness, a ray of hope, and a sense of strong integration. Today my heart understood more about your departure and its meaning. Thank you for being with me in this process.
You are very quiet, but I know that you want to express something, otherwise I would not be writing here. I’ll wait for you…
“Hi Mom! I’m here … I was listening to your narrative. Yes, yesterday we were in the astral. Your ability for ‘tuning in’ is improving. It is not enough that you just wish for something, to dream of something or someone for example. Nor is it enough to wish for desired events or outcomes. Those desires have to be connected at a spiritual level. What do I mean? Sometimes our desires are not fulfilled because the ego does not want the same thing as the spirit.
I will put a simple example: someone can wish with all their might to have a lot of money, while in their spirit what they want is to learn about love despite lack and regardless of the material world. The purely earthly aspect of that person will do things and make decisions according to the desire he has in mind. Your spirit will promote events and make decisions based on your soul’s desire as well and then these two forces will come into conflict. This brings unpredictable and erratic results and can also cause a collision of these forces. When this happens, the individual will go through intense experiences that they won’t comprehend and that shake up their world.
Another possibilty is that the ego gets it’s way over and over again until it completely breaks the spirit. Eventually this leads to depression, generalized anxiety, addictions, and disconnection.
When the earthly aspect of a person comes into resonance with its own spirit, it harmonizes, the magic awakens, events take on meaning, depth is reached and the life purpose begins to be felt.
There is a yet a third option; when the earthly aspect connects with the spirit and decides to trust it. The spirit gains strength and is filled with energy and because the earthly being is finally open and listening, spirit can finally speak… and as this is felt, your original compass comes alive. Fortunate encounters, hunches paid attention to, decisions that are made with conviction, spontaneous happiness, understanding and acceptance of the moment… the drama is transcended, the connection is felt. The internal dialogue ceases to manifest outwardly.”
Do you think that today I can dream of you again?
“I do not know. Maybe not, because you already expect it and I can hear in the depth of your question, a need for confirmation. Yesterday you did not expect anything, it was a free request. And here comes my next thought: Let go… let go of control of what happens. If you had clung to my life, to the idea that it was still too early, to your expectations, to what you wanted to happen, you could have blocked the natural flow of things, or rather, the spiritual flow of things.
You can influence the present, you can control to the best of your ability and do everything that is possible, but it is necessary that you release the outcome. It doesn’t matter if you do everything right (according to the parameters that you yourself invented). The end can still be very different from what you imagined.
Clinging to a possibility puts a lock on the future. Many times people cling to a desired outcome for fear of an unwanted outcome. Therefore, beneath the desire for a happy ending, what really exists and moves the energy is the fear of the unhappy ending. This is how self-fulfilling prophecies come about.
The future is full of possibilities. When people forget to listen to their spirit and let it navigate, they hinder the path, making it even more difficult.
Your spirit sees far beyond what you can see. For you, maybe there are three possible outcomes and you think you have everything under control, when in reality there are 1245 possible outcomes. Your spirit knows which one is most favorable for the present purpose, but since you only focused on three, you have blocked the most fortunate probabilities, further limiting the available energy to make them real.”
I feel that’s what strengthened in me today. As a result of your departure I feel that I better understand the meaning of letting go. Before I confused it with living adrift or with a certain ‘passivity’; where people refuse to act because “everything will work out in one way or another”. And yes, of course it will all be resolved in one way or another, but what about my participation in that result?
Today I understand it much better. It is about navigating with the eyes of spirit: feeling, paying attention to things that we usually ignore, and not acting on the basis of fear. I promise to keep this understanding fresh in my mind and to return to it every time I feel the need to control the results; that imperative need to know, define and redefine the future, try to make it safe and secure. Now I understand why insurance companies are such a mega business… we are still so moved by fear disguised as prevention. Prevention that hides our need for control. Control in order to evade vulnerability. And vulnerability confused with embarrassing weakness.
Will we still be read, Lua? What do our dear anonymous readers think and those not so anonymous? Lately, I’ve been wondering if they’ll want to continue reading, if they feel that it makes any sense; if they’ll find some cosmic connection in these words or if it bothers them to hear them…
“Why do you worry?”
I don’t worry really, I just wonder. A part of me gets embarrased I guess, thinking maybe others will be bothered every time we go deeper into uncharted territories.
“Why do you think we could be bothering anyone with these conversations?”
Because I know you! I know that what you have in “mind” (or rather in spirit), is daring.
“It is not your responsibility what other people feel after reading our dialogues. If you’re worried, it’s because it invites you to leave your comfort zone. By agreeing to share these letters, you do just that, you leave your comfort zone and being out of that zone is, well… uncomfortable.
The incredible thing about reading is that each reader resonates with different parts of the same text, each one emphasizes different lines and that creates the possibility of having a multiple connection, at different levels, in different moments with different synchronicities. Thanks for writing me with confidence. And yes, later on perhaps the conversation will get more -uncomfortable- and thanks to it the possibility of expansion will increase, as well as the reconnection of the mind with the heart and that of the earthly being with its spirit.
So, step by step… we’re in no hurry.
Sweet Dreams to you all. Thank you for your friendship and for giving me a space in your lives, even without knowing me.
With love, Lua.”